nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
