lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
