a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
