I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
