me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
