the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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