Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
