remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
