dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
