The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
