Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
