Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize