I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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