Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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