You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
