But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
