hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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