I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
