He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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