Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
