this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
