and next time when you feel me up, do it right
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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