STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Send help, water and tortillas.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
third nipple confirmed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
