He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
