i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
