i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize