why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
