the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize