He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize