Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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