Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
