Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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