all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
