Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
