watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
