there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
