there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
