walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
