I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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