im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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