You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just invented taco cereal.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
