Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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