I have demons in me.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize