if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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