I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
