It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
