Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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