If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
