if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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