I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
