thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
