and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
