ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
