yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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