I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
