i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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