We won't sleep together?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
