I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
