Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
