I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
