D3 body, D1 cock
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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