fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
