its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
