I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
