Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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