You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
