if only i could text you this smell
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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