Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
