I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
