Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
