I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
